Fmr. President Clinton Frees Journalists; Looks For Dates

Pyongyang, North Korea—

Former President Clinton today secured the release of two American journalists who had been held by the North Korean government on espionage charges. The journalists, Euna Lee and Laura Ling, had been arrested near the Sino-Korean border while working for Current TV, a company founded by Mr. Clinton’s former vice president, Al Gore.

“I am so glad that I was able to continue to serve these two great American citizens in this way,” Mr. Clinton said at a press conference in Pyongyang.

To secure the journalists release, Mr. Clinton met personally with North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. When asked about the meeting, Mr. Clinton responded, “Everyone told me he was a crazy old coot, but in fact he helped me with both of my goals for this trip. In addition to releasing the journalists, Kim hooked me up with these two freaky-deaky little Korean girls. It is so much harder to get tail when you aren’t the president anymore—easier to get away with, but harder to get. Plus, I had never been with an Asian girl before.”

“Man, did we have fun!” Clinton continued. “They were able to do things that I didn’t even know were possible! Kim can hook me up anyday!”