Iran’s Supreme Leader Endorses Sheep Herder for Presidency

Tehran, Iran—

In a surprise move today, Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khameini, endorsed a sheep herder from Razavi Khorasan province as his choice for the presidency of Iran, reversing his endorsement of current president Ahmadinejad hours earlier.

“Hafiz Omidifar is the man to lead the Islamic Republic of Iran at this critical stage in its history,” said Khameini. “He has no ties to the Western imperialists, has not attempted to foment treason against the state, and does not claim that Imam Mahdi has returned to guide his actions. Plus his wife Shirina’s kabobs are to die for. They are so tender and wonderfully seasoned.” Omidifar then embraced Khameini and kissed his hand as a show of fealty.

Omidifar said, “If the supporters of the Zionists can elect the grandson of a goat herder to lead them, the great Iranian people can be led by an actual sheep herder.” Ahmadinejad was seen pouting in the corner and talking to a sock puppet on his left hand, but did not comment.

Omidifar, who has held no prior political office, did not comment on how his rule might be different than Ahmadinejad’s. The Iranian Parliament still must officially elect the president.

Opposition leaders Mir Hossein Mousavi and Mahdi Karroubi and former presidents Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani and Mohammad Khatami could not be reached for comment, but the spokesman for the government said they were “together on a business trip” and “likely may not be heard from for some time.”