Microsoft Releases Latest Patches for Yet-to-Be-Released Windows 7

Redmond, WA—

Microsoft today announced it was releasing seven “hot-fixes” for its Windows 7 operating system which is scheduled for release on October 22. These patches are in addition to the fifteen released to date. When asked about the ground-breaking move of releasing fixes to an operating system no one has yet, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said, “Microsoft is committed to giving its consumers the most secure Windows operating system ever.”

“But we are also committed to profits,” Ballmer continued. “And after the fiasco with that last version-which-must-not-be-named, we thought about what people have said about our operating systems. We have consistently heard that people won’t install a new version of Windows until it is at least at Service Pack 1. So our plan is to continue to release small fixes to the bugs and security vulnerabilities we always have up until October 21. By that time we should have enough of them to release a Service Pack, thus encouraging people to install it on the release launch date.”

When asked to respond to the Microsoft new, Apple CEO Steve Jobs said, “Apple has consistently had better, virus-free operating systems. That a virus which affects Macs would only bring a couple of university computer labs to their knees is irrelevant to why we have been so virus-free. We’re cooler and I look far better in a mock turtle-neck—even when I am dying of cancer—than that slob Ballmer.”