Wisconsinite Changes Politics: Realizes Global Warming May Thaw “Frozen Tundra”

Green Bay, WI—

A life-long conservative Republican from Sheboygan changed his party affiliation today when he realized that, if true, global warming could thaw the famed “Frozen Tundra” of Lambeau Field.

“I joined those guys in the Green Party because, even though I don’t believe that Liberal hoo-ha, we can’t risk the Frozen Tundra,” said Art Posanski at his hastily called press conference at the Mead Public Library. “I call on my fellow Republicans…er, former fellow Republicans, to realize we gotta do this.”

When asked how he came to this epiphany, Art responded, “It has nothing to do with the Catholic Church; I just suddenly put it all together. What do them tree-huggers say is the biggest cause of the pollution that is supposed to cause this stuff? Driving our SUVs that we need to haul our boats and Waverunners and snowmobiles to our cabins up Nort’. And other than those terrorists, who has all of the oil? Those Cowgirls in Dallas! They’re just trying to get back at us for kicking their butts in 1967!”

“We should have seen it when they beat us in Week 3 last year. Yeah, it was only mid-September, but it should have been at least ten-below-zero with a wind chill of forty-below like it normally is then. I figured they won because Brett [Favre], that traitor, was gone. But then I thought about how Tony Homo was able to throw that touchdown pass into double coverage in the fourth quarter: No way could he do that if the Frozen Tundra was still frozen!”

Al Weisenberg, Art’s childhood friend and the proprietor of the Bottoms Up Tavern commented after the press conference, “I thought Art had had one too many Jager-bombs when he told me what he was doing, but he makes a lot of sense. Vince [Lombardi] would never stand for this. He’d demand we do something.”

Rumors that SUV sales spiked in Minneapolis and Chicago after the press conference have not been confirmed.